I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
