so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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