i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
