You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
