Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hippo gnu deer
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
