i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
