I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
