omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
