When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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