im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
