At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize