what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
