based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I AM VODKA MAN
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize