Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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