I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
