he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize