Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
