I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
