in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
