why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize