Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
