i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
