So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
