he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
