evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
