question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I need to calm my uterus...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
