I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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