SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
