I don't usually arrange sex via text message
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize