Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
