Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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