listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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