pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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