He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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