Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
