Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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