That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I pour the whiskey from now on
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize