I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
