So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
someone owes me an orgasm
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
