well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
