I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
