I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
