I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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