i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
