imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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