Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
