you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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