I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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