It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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