I seem to have left my pride at pride
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
