Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
