When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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