Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I cockslap morals
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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