I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
