Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
