I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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