Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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