Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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