Got a toothbrush?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
