So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
