she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
