she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
