So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
