then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
