We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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