If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
