sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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