My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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