God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
