your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
