I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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